Diary of a… Diary

Wed, 17 Nov ’10

Dear Diary (that’s me!),

I was discovered when people started scribbling on caves. Historians have got it all wrong; the cavemen didn’t do those paintings for future generations. They did those paintings for their record. That’s why they were in caves so no one could see them. Duh!Since then, people share with me their deepest secrets. i loved to be the secretkeeper. But it has become a burden for me. So much so that I have to maintain my own diary so I myself don’t go insane.

Moreover, they irritate me with their so-called literature! Excellent works were done 200-300 years back. Since then writing habits have deteriorated to the point that I just have to close my eyes shut and my ears shut but their sights pierce my eyes and their voices pierce my ears; they are actually so much boring. Earlier it was more poetic and euphemistic; nowadays they just need a pen but no brain: just blabber on and on – expletives included – thinking no one will ever gonna read it. I’m reading it, you fool! Put a little more effort. Even they themselves read it again.

The most calm people around have some of the most violent diaries. The shocking list includes Akbar, Humphrey, Gandhi, Raymond and – lo behold! – Rakhi Sawant. Everyone may think she is the most blunt person living on earth who has no bones hiding in her closet. But no, it’s not true on two counts. One, as we have noticed recently (I knew it for quite some time) the most blunt person is Dolly actually. And two, she does shares with me many things that she does with no one else. I am under a non-disclosure agreement so I can’t tell most of the stuff but I’ll tell you one thing – The black stringy things you see on her head are not hair, they are hair ‘transplant’. Huh.

And seriously, how much can I handle? There is an information overload. The server costs have increased out-of-proportion. I am bound to store all this stuff for ever and ever. But I have no income at all! Who is gonna pay all these bills? only subsidies keep me going. It’s me only who floats this end-of-earth-as-we-know rumours. For a person who is grown up on truth (too much truth, gulp!), rumours are an unknown territory. But I have no choice. Whenever such a rumour comes, people stop writing diaries. Who cares when all this stuff is gonna destroy with them. Diary is meant to be a keepsake for the future gen (that’s why I can’t destroy older stuff), but if you are the last generation and tv is chock full of doomsday news (haha.. they call it news!) no one but the most depressed has time for the diary (that’s me again… ^.^). But some rare inquisitive mind may be enquiring how do I keep current system going. The revenue and all. The answer is government! It is top secret but I have agents who pass me money from every govt and public thinks money being leaked is in the form of subsidies or CWG mess or even 2G scam. It so happens that many of these high level people tend to break down under such a huge pressure and start sharing their secrets with me. Then, I use this info to blackmail them and they no choice but to pass me this money. Don’t think I’m bad. You must understand I have the burden of humanity and this is a very small price for you all to pay.

This too much now. I think I should stop now lest some more controversies get unearthed (IPL, I’m looking at you). Just tend to my one and only request. Cry as much as you (or your sadistic hubby) want. But please try to laugh. i mean, you share with me your deepest secrets. If somebody hurts you, you don’t try to hide your emotions from me. But your trips to zoo are never shared with me. You approach me only when you are in need. I just need you to be a little more unselfish. That’s all.

Now I should go. Some more crying babies are waiting at my door. Bah!!

The End.
Darry, the Diary.



Published in: on 21 Nov '10 at 11 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. thats…the way too innovative…..you are just a genious in disguise…;)…that may be funny but i meant it..huh!!!

  2. superrr!!!creative :D though i imagined too much ;P

  3. anu !!!!! great work man !!! wow !!

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